i want to air out the dirty laundry, sometimes.
it's not like you don't know.
why are you so embarassed?
our neighbours wear underwear too.
it's not like you don't know.
why are you so embarassed?
our neighbours wear underwear too.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
back on track
being at home serves it's time well when managed properly. we had no luck finding our shower doors ... a wasted trip. but because of my resourceful mind, i thought to call on the folks that did our renovation 4 years ago. sure enough miss melanie at lampert took the call and was able to find us the doors, with delivery and installation. check #1.
next, the backyard. i didn't want a little cold breeze and snow get in the way of my new leisure space so i called on delta decks. i meet with alex on saturday to go over the design of the new deck. i have a feeling that i will be spending much of the spring and summer in my yard. check #2.
next on the list, registering for a class at george brown. yes, i am going to be putting some time into getting my head around digital arts and publishing. i am more than half of the day in front of a computer, i am creative and i love the vast possibilities of what digital arts can produce. so, i think i found what it is that i want to do when i grow up. i don't know where it will take me, but i do know that i need to hone in on some skills and entrepreneurial school is out now that there is no more government funding for the SEB program anymore. *tears* so, i'll be a huge opportunist and go through a discounted rate at the college. and i'll go at my pace .... i am not an academic ... this i know. at least i am smart enough to know my limits. check #3, #4 and #5.
check #6, my financial affairs are in order. i am filing for my 2009 taxes and am getting a return - YAY! i have also set up a tax free savings account and my credit is up to date and paid!
feeling good. check #7.
everything just got a whole lot warmer. i feel good. this is good.
the start of my five year plan is thickening, there seems to be some depth - these are the holes that needed to be filled.
next, the backyard. i didn't want a little cold breeze and snow get in the way of my new leisure space so i called on delta decks. i meet with alex on saturday to go over the design of the new deck. i have a feeling that i will be spending much of the spring and summer in my yard. check #2.
next on the list, registering for a class at george brown. yes, i am going to be putting some time into getting my head around digital arts and publishing. i am more than half of the day in front of a computer, i am creative and i love the vast possibilities of what digital arts can produce. so, i think i found what it is that i want to do when i grow up. i don't know where it will take me, but i do know that i need to hone in on some skills and entrepreneurial school is out now that there is no more government funding for the SEB program anymore. *tears* so, i'll be a huge opportunist and go through a discounted rate at the college. and i'll go at my pace .... i am not an academic ... this i know. at least i am smart enough to know my limits. check #3, #4 and #5.
check #6, my financial affairs are in order. i am filing for my 2009 taxes and am getting a return - YAY! i have also set up a tax free savings account and my credit is up to date and paid!
feeling good. check #7.
everything just got a whole lot warmer. i feel good. this is good.
the start of my five year plan is thickening, there seems to be some depth - these are the holes that needed to be filled.
Monday, February 22, 2010
holding my horses
the snow is back ... it's falling hard, reminding us that it never came.
so yesterday's blog puts a damper on things. as the snow was melting, i was picturing my poolside manner in the backyard, of course sans pool and all sun! ahhh, this is ontario. i can bundle up for a few more weeks. no need to complain.
tonight we're going to begin the fix-up from the "party". the glue on the shower didn't hold, damn. the new shower doors are 600$ ... that's a few pair of shoes, a new bag .. ahhh, won't complain about that either.
i was on the coat tails of dismissing all things social today. i'm so glad i have a theme song that i can go back to and know that i can go where everyone knows my name.
so yesterday's blog puts a damper on things. as the snow was melting, i was picturing my poolside manner in the backyard, of course sans pool and all sun! ahhh, this is ontario. i can bundle up for a few more weeks. no need to complain.
tonight we're going to begin the fix-up from the "party". the glue on the shower didn't hold, damn. the new shower doors are 600$ ... that's a few pair of shoes, a new bag .. ahhh, won't complain about that either.
i was on the coat tails of dismissing all things social today. i'm so glad i have a theme song that i can go back to and know that i can go where everyone knows my name.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
springing forward
this year, one of my goals is to revamp the back yard. this means bringing the indoors outdoors. i want a place that will invite me stay when the sun has gone down and i am just getting up. i want twinkle lights, floor pillows, flowers, lounges ... hmmm, i think i'll be lucky if i get a new fence and the twinkle lights. somewhere to go for inspiration? Andrew Richard Designs.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
coming of age
our home seems to be in better shape. today is actually the first day that no one spoke of the party on the weekend. yesterday, my neighbour emailed me with an acceptance of my apologies and she was not happy. my teenage self says, "whatevs" but i say, "sorry" ... again.
my hands as of late have not been idle and i think i may be suffering from insomnia.
i can't wait for next weekend ... my adult self is spending some much needed time with the ladies ... in teenage style; a sleep over.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
not my kid
i had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance tonight about DJ getting her nose pierced and why i said no, and maybe why i should have said yes and so on. did this prompt what i came home to tonight? am i guarding the wrong barriers?
i allowed dj to have some friends over ... i was very specific about the friends (if they didn't have a name or if i had never met them before, they're not allowed in). she promised and there was a total of 5 friends over, i knew them all. but of course, a friend came over uninvited. it was a friend of hers from middle school and dj let her in. fair enough, i know this friend, i care for this friend. but she came over on E and semi trashed my house. i'm furious at her. my toilet is leaking all over the floor right now, my 200$ straightener is lying in the middle of dj's room ripped in half, one of the framed photographs from the hallway is missing, the other one's glass broke, the bathroom is dirty, stuff on the walls, the drawers, the shower floor and i feel helpless with what to say or do to dj. i feel like my heart is broken and the trust has been tampered with. it sounds a bit dramatic, but this is our house, it is the place we should respect most, as should our friends and family. i thought that this was how i raised her. maybe i give her too much credit. i am just so disappointed and pissed off at myself for not being here. how the fuck am i supposed to explain this to Kyle. we need to get a new toilet ... maybe call in a plumber.
FUCK.
this makes me feel rotten. i have to turn off the water or that freaking toilet will just keep leaking. i almost don't want tomorrow to come. i was supposed to go to a letter press workshop, i think i need to cancel and deal. maybe my neighbour can look at the toilet. kyle will be home monday.
FUCK.
i'm setting the wrong boundaries, i must be. it makes me sigh heavily. have i been trying to have a relationship with someone that doesn't want me to know them? and pretends because it allows her to get her way, like getting cash for things because she doesn't have a job, yet. or our trip that i am planning to nyc. or pretending to like me to get me off her back. i feel so betrayed somehow.
did i mention?
i also came home to dj's boyfriend lying in her bed with her and her girlfriend. i stared at him and was like wtf? i grabbed my hair, closed my eyes and thought, "wtf, how am i going to deal with this right now? why the fuck is he here? what the fuck was she thinking?" the questions began to seep out of my brain and leave my throat. i remained calm and composed. but still didn't feel any better when the three of them were quick to answer my questions. the most fucked up thing about all of this, is that she texted me to let me know about what happened to her friend and the E situation, but she didn't mention anything about her boyfriend sleeping over, or that the toilet broke or that anything was broken! i am in no shape to be dealing with this .... i don't want to be dealing with this! i'm heartbroken, no man or woman or lover could ever make me feel like this... just her, because she is my daughter.
i feel like a bad mom, i am a bad mom.
i allowed dj to have some friends over ... i was very specific about the friends (if they didn't have a name or if i had never met them before, they're not allowed in). she promised and there was a total of 5 friends over, i knew them all. but of course, a friend came over uninvited. it was a friend of hers from middle school and dj let her in. fair enough, i know this friend, i care for this friend. but she came over on E and semi trashed my house. i'm furious at her. my toilet is leaking all over the floor right now, my 200$ straightener is lying in the middle of dj's room ripped in half, one of the framed photographs from the hallway is missing, the other one's glass broke, the bathroom is dirty, stuff on the walls, the drawers, the shower floor and i feel helpless with what to say or do to dj. i feel like my heart is broken and the trust has been tampered with. it sounds a bit dramatic, but this is our house, it is the place we should respect most, as should our friends and family. i thought that this was how i raised her. maybe i give her too much credit. i am just so disappointed and pissed off at myself for not being here. how the fuck am i supposed to explain this to Kyle. we need to get a new toilet ... maybe call in a plumber.
FUCK.
this makes me feel rotten. i have to turn off the water or that freaking toilet will just keep leaking. i almost don't want tomorrow to come. i was supposed to go to a letter press workshop, i think i need to cancel and deal. maybe my neighbour can look at the toilet. kyle will be home monday.
FUCK.
i'm setting the wrong boundaries, i must be. it makes me sigh heavily. have i been trying to have a relationship with someone that doesn't want me to know them? and pretends because it allows her to get her way, like getting cash for things because she doesn't have a job, yet. or our trip that i am planning to nyc. or pretending to like me to get me off her back. i feel so betrayed somehow.
did i mention?
i also came home to dj's boyfriend lying in her bed with her and her girlfriend. i stared at him and was like wtf? i grabbed my hair, closed my eyes and thought, "wtf, how am i going to deal with this right now? why the fuck is he here? what the fuck was she thinking?" the questions began to seep out of my brain and leave my throat. i remained calm and composed. but still didn't feel any better when the three of them were quick to answer my questions. the most fucked up thing about all of this, is that she texted me to let me know about what happened to her friend and the E situation, but she didn't mention anything about her boyfriend sleeping over, or that the toilet broke or that anything was broken! i am in no shape to be dealing with this .... i don't want to be dealing with this! i'm heartbroken, no man or woman or lover could ever make me feel like this... just her, because she is my daughter.
i feel like a bad mom, i am a bad mom.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
trying to forget yesterday
i should have ordered that strawberry shake.
this was lunch.
and dinner with a second appearance from fries and gravy.
Monday, February 8, 2010
in that place
i want to be there, i truly, honestly, from the bottom of my swollen belly, want to be there. but somehow, i think that being there, is somewhere that i have to share.
i had a "double time" date tonight. booked back to back, hoping that there is a good time break in between the 2. one was with a work, mostly focused agenda and the other a somewhat social, yet, "seriously you called me on my bullshit shit" getting to know you, getting to know me kind of date. I LOVE IT.
the latter date didn't happen. as disappointed as i was, i was also relieved, to some degree i want to know this person. but i can't seem to shake it off that i wish i had met him somehow else. he's lovely.
and, so, to not get discouraged with the sudden bail out, i walked. i walked right out into the heart of the village. i took some pics, tilted heads with the commoners and then ended up with 4 shots of vodka, talking nothing into a napkin and hesitating with the bartender in woody's. *dancing only occurs during pride*
tomorrow, when i wake up, i will wish that i was in that place...
"good morning westyn, yep we're going downstairs, but we have to change that diaper."
-me;most mornings at 4:30AM.
i had a "double time" date tonight. booked back to back, hoping that there is a good time break in between the 2. one was with a work, mostly focused agenda and the other a somewhat social, yet, "seriously you called me on my bullshit shit" getting to know you, getting to know me kind of date. I LOVE IT.
the latter date didn't happen. as disappointed as i was, i was also relieved, to some degree i want to know this person. but i can't seem to shake it off that i wish i had met him somehow else. he's lovely.
and, so, to not get discouraged with the sudden bail out, i walked. i walked right out into the heart of the village. i took some pics, tilted heads with the commoners and then ended up with 4 shots of vodka, talking nothing into a napkin and hesitating with the bartender in woody's. *dancing only occurs during pride*
tomorrow, when i wake up, i will wish that i was in that place...
"good morning westyn, yep we're going downstairs, but we have to change that diaper."
-me;most mornings at 4:30AM.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
sneaker hoe
OR
while coming home from the in-laws today, kyle and i decide to stop at the mall to buy him a shirt. he's leaving for europe on tuesday and he needs to look class act. ok, so, in the interim of his shop-hop i meandered away to look at sneakers. to fill the void of NOT buying my camera this weekend, i am buying shoes. i just don't know which pair. i know all about the hott factor with cons (i have owned many)... but these nikes!!! what can i say, i'm channeling the inner ball player in me. i also liked the way they looked with my jeans ... totally feeling them and the sales guy was too.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
subscription prescription
adding to my monthly bill payments, along with a possible need for a new chaise lounge - if only i had the space!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
bonne mere, bad mom
DJ, my 15 year old daughter asked if she could get a nose ring. at first, i immediately said, "NO". this was completely out of character for me in my relationship with her. she was taken aback and so was i. i continued doing the chore i was doing before she interrupted me and i thought about my response and how i could make it better. i don't want her getting a nose ring, not now, not until she has left our house and is making her own money and has her own responsibilities. when i was finished doing the dishes, i went into the living room, kissed her forehead.
i have said, "no" to the nose ring.
she thinks it's stupid and my cool mom rate has gone down a considerable amount but the reasons went beyond the "you're too young" card.
i said no because:
1) who will be paying for it? i don't know, mom?
2) who will be paying for the hygienic products that come with a piercing? i don't know, mom?
already, this has become my responsibility. i don't want this one, i have so many and this is one that i can choose to say no to.
she's been kind to me about the decision i made for her. i have also said no to a tattoo as well.
i never wanted to be a cool mom, i just want to be a good one.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
like a virgin
i'm late on this, but i'm not a fashion blog. doesn't she look fucking great?! yeah, yeah photoshop, but seeing madonna with dishes in hand with this feeling of hot house wife left me with a madge-crush on madonna all over again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
