not my kid

i had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance tonight about DJ getting her nose pierced and why i said no, and maybe why i should have said yes and so on. did this prompt what i came home to tonight? am i guarding the wrong barriers?
i allowed dj to have some friends over ... i was very specific about the friends (if they didn't have a name or if i had never met them before, they're not allowed in). she promised and there was a total of 5 friends over, i knew them all. but of course, a friend came over uninvited. it was a friend of hers from middle school and dj let her in. fair enough, i know this friend, i care for this friend. but she came over on E and semi trashed my house. i'm furious at her. my toilet is leaking all over the floor right now, my 200$ straightener is lying in the middle of dj's room ripped in half, one of the framed photographs from the hallway is missing, the other one's glass broke, the bathroom is dirty, stuff on the walls, the drawers, the shower floor and i feel helpless with what to say or do to dj. i feel like my heart is broken and the trust has been tampered with. it sounds a bit dramatic, but this is our house, it is the place we should respect most, as should our friends and family. i thought that this was how i raised her. maybe i give her too much credit. i am just so disappointed and pissed off at myself for not being here. how the fuck am i supposed to explain this to Kyle. we need to get a new toilet ... maybe call in a plumber.
FUCK.
this makes me feel rotten. i have to turn off the water or that freaking toilet will just keep leaking. i almost don't want tomorrow to come. i was supposed to go to a letter press workshop, i think i need to cancel and deal. maybe my neighbour can look at the toilet. kyle will be home monday.
FUCK.
i'm setting the wrong boundaries, i must be. it makes me sigh heavily. have i been trying to have a relationship with someone that doesn't want me to know them? and pretends because it allows her to get her way, like getting cash for things because she doesn't have a job, yet. or our trip that i am planning to nyc. or pretending to like me to get me off her back. i feel so betrayed somehow.
did i mention?
i also came home to dj's boyfriend lying in her bed with her and her girlfriend. i stared at him and was like wtf? i grabbed my hair, closed my eyes and thought, "wtf, how am i going to deal with this right now? why the fuck is he here? what the fuck was she thinking?" the questions began to seep out of my brain and leave my throat. i remained calm and composed. but still didn't feel any better when the three of them were quick to answer my questions. the most fucked up thing about all of this, is that she texted me to let me know about what happened to her friend and the E situation, but she didn't mention anything about her boyfriend sleeping over, or that the toilet broke or that anything was broken! i am in no shape to be dealing with this .... i don't want to be dealing with this! i'm heartbroken, no man or woman or lover could ever make me feel like this... just her, because she is my daughter.
i feel like a bad mom, i am a bad mom.