novel

the past week has been a bit of a mini vacation for me, well with the exception of getting strep throat and waiting for results for mono. bed rest isn't so bad. having a partner that pulls through once in a while proves it's fondness and feeling like i had no responsibilities in the world is, well, foreign and inviting.

because bed rest leaves me to catch up on reading, "a movable feast" by hemingway didn't move anything for me but back to sleep. magazine subscriptions came and i leafed through, imagining my own ad in a london magazine ... it will happen. i become quite confident in the confines of my bed sheets and meds. i thought about the year so far and how much things have changed ... even with just a few words. realizations have surfaced and the truth about it has me wanting to surrender but will wait. i anxiously think about the studio and see great things for me.

i went to the studio last night, and was overwhelmed by the feeling of "this is my place". i have another address, a mailbox, keys to my space and it's mine. i felt a sudden sense of relief and gratitude towards myself, i never let myself go. i haven't stopped giving to myself because i had children. other moms would call me selfish. i lamented about that while i was in bed, swallowing it sourly and felt a little guilty.

my hand is cramping a bit, i have been drawing/sketching some things. things that i hope one day, people will be wearing. this has been on my to do list for far too long ... if my deal with the devil holds true one day, i need to get this done before i'm 50.

i also start a typography class in may - very excited about this. i want to make my own labels and tags as well, so best to have an extra skill in my pocket. i'm no one trick pony but i do work well on my own. it has only be proven a few times that i can work well with others.

the backyard reno is pretty much finished too. a new fence, new deck and planters. i enjoyed the sun out there over the weekend ... it's surprisingly quiet in the city when everything in my head is so loud.

i'm cutting my hair too ... i'm going to donate what i can to cancer. it's long and processed, and they have to take a look at it ... it might not be healthy enough. i need to shed some of these tresses ... i feel change coming along ... oh and to my rest, i am dedicating time to more of me by getting healthy. move on over tony horton, hello mitch gaylord. serious this time though. i'm even keeping a journal.


it's strange now to be writing so much when tumblr has become my exit for short spurts of thought. http://beautifulunnatural.tumblr.com/

fuck.

always a bad idea ... smoking, drinking, smoking, landing on my bed of perpetual indulgences. by the way i stole that ... from modern family.